Changes to the sport known as boxing

Rule changes I would introduce to the sport known as boxing:

1) A lion in the ring. The lower part of the ropes is fenced off so that the lion cannot escape, and no digs must be thrown at the beast. The lion must NOT be stopped when having a go at the fighters, but MUST be interfered with sexually by the loser. No lion, no fight.

2) Bottomless pits in the ring. The pits extend deep into the core of the Earth.

3) Dog shit in the ring. If a fighter stands (or slips) on a deposit this is as good as suffering a TKO.

4) The entire fight comprises of one ten second round. But it still costs thirty quid to watch it on Sky.

5) High-heels.

6) Every professional fight must be refereed by Flava Flav, the cold lamper. No lamper, no fight.

7) Every third round must be fought wearing a monacle and carrying a cane.