Monday, 1 June 2009

Things I will *never* understand

1) Whenever I use a cash machine the person in front takes 2 hours to get their money out. Why? What are they doing? It's not like they're performing a vastly complex mental calculation. Naturally I will be in and out in less than 3 seconds.

2) Nobody seems to use indicators any more. Call me naive but I LIKE TO KNOW WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT TO DO A FUCKING ILLEGAL U-TURN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME YOU FAT, TAXI DRIVING PRICK. I AM NOT A MIND READER AND WOULD LIKE TO AVOID HAVING A CRASH IF IT'S OKAY BY YOU? These are the same people that take their entire family to McDonalds for dinner. Fucktards.

3) People who cannot get their heads round the concept of queueing. It's simple my old, mentally challenged friend. So simple that I have broken it down into easy steps:

a) Look at the tills


b) Read the signs at either end. One will say ENTRANCE, the other will say EXIT. Even if there is no signs you can tell where to stand from a) people already queueing to pay b) the path of the rope barrier.


c) Either join the existing queue at the back or make your own queue starting at the ENTRANCE.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT just march up to the counter and get pissed off when you're not being served. Only wankers do this. All that happens is people will ending hating you more than they do anyway, which is a considerable amount my retarded friend.

3) People who will wait 40 minutes for a bus and then choose to get their change out when the driver asks for payment. It is usually someone whose wallet is buried deep at the bottom of their rucksack. It can take them up to an hour to get their change out.

4) People who insist on getting as sunburnt as possible at the first hint of summer. It's like saying: "Winter is here. Therefore I must try and get as many colds as possible".

5) Shorts, smart shoes and white socks pulled up high. Say no more. We must find a way to destroy these morons.

6) Fat mothers (I mean mother as in parent, not 'muthafucker') wearing pyjamas to the shops. They're usually smoking and accompanied by a child. How's about getting off your fat arse and, say, GETTING DRESSED? I know I'm not exactly the worlds best dressed person but at least I've got enough self-respect to not wear my bloody NIGHTWARE to the shops.

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