Why is it that I can't make it to the top of a ladder? I don't mean that in some kind of weird metaphorical sense, I mean literally CANNOT GET TO ANYWHERE NEAR THE TOP OF A LADDER. I realise this still sounds like I'm making some kind of allusion to something greater but I really mean that statement.
EVERY TIME I APPROACH THE TOP OF A LADDER MY NERVE GOES.
I'm trying to paint the front of our house but cannot do the bloody gutters. It's too fucking high. I'm generally quite cowardly by nature but also not averse to a bit of climbing but something about the height FUCKS MY BRAIN IN. The thing that annoys me is seeing the 80 year old window cleaner on our street happily climbing higher than Nelson's Column every day without a care in the world, blissfully unconcerned that if he was to fall his old and brittle bones would crumble to dust. His family would then have to tend his grave, silently weeping in the rain until they too were mashed up in a terrible ladder-related mishap. And so the cycle goes on.
What the hell am I going to do? The only thing I can think of is getting really pissed before going up there. If that doesn't work I might have to literally CALL A LADDER MAN.