Queen, the early days.

In the early days Queen's tour bus was known as the Sugary Rumour. According to drummer Roger this was because once in 1971 Brian opened a can of Tizer, spraying himself and the driver with the the sticky red ooze in the process. To this day Brain claims to "fucking detest that stuff, man" (Tizer). Interestingly if you note the colour of Brian's 'Red Special' trademark guitar you cannot argue that the colour is anything other than Tizer Red. Owing to the embarassing nature of the incident and Brian's swift denial, this quickly became folklore amongst the band and roadcrew. Only the most cynical of Queen fans would refute the accuracy of this theory.

But one thing we are certain of this this; Freddie Mercury was born with his neck as an internal organ. It wasn't until the age of 15 that Fred's family were able to afford an operation to extend his neck out of his torso, thus stretching his vocal chords in the process and giving him his unique singing voice. To see Freddie as a school child it was clear that his school friends had long, sexy necks. But Fred's chin clearly rested on his chest, even when gazing up at the constellation Alpha Centauri on a clear summers eve. Upon asking Fred's mother about this in 1997 she said:

"It was clear that Freddie was fucked from a young age. The prick's neck was buried in his chest like some kind of fucked up mine shaft. A local vicar suggested holding a Blue Peter bring-and-buy sale to raise money for Freddie's operation. We raised £38 that day and booked Freddie into Kidongo Chekundo hospital 3 years later."